February 2012
18 posts
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daily intake
as you guys know, i’m recovering from anorexia as well as having asperger’s.
an anonymous ask inquired as to my daily intake so here’s an example of what i eat a day. obviously there are variables depending on seasonal events/socialising. part of recovery is to participate in those things, as difficult as they can be.
breakfast:
2 weetabix, skimmed milk
cup of tea with...
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Anonymous asked: What do you eat on a regular day? Are you in recovery?
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i’ve been focusing more on my ED recovery lately and trying to just ignore anxiety. removing myself from it is the best thing, actually. there’s no point “trying to be normal” and burning myself out.
has anybody got any experience with buspirone? i’d really like to be taking a medication which consistently controls my anxiety instead of PRN diazepam.
thanks :)
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“Females with ASDs often develop ‘coping mechanisms’ that can cover up the...”
– Dr. Shana Nichols (via stumblingoverchaos)
this is exactly me
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Annoyance.
adaraknickrehm:
I must admit, I am quite tired of outsiders placing judgement based on assumption of my life.
Those who insist on doubting my disorders purely because I am “high functioning”.
Yes I can look after myself, this does not mean that I do not have mental illnesses.
That being said.
The very few close to me (two people) fully comprehend the severity of each day passing. It’s not as...
thank you and hello to my new followers. i didn’t expect anybody would follow this blog when i started it :)
feel free to leave me messages and/or ask me questions any time!
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i’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety lately.
i came across this article: http://zenemu.com/2011/05/aspergers-anxiety/
The more common causes are disruption of routines (check), unplanned changes (check), sensory issues, such as loud noises or bright lights (check), and social interaction (check). The anxiety can literally be unbearable and it often increases the expression of the...
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existing-outside-of-stories:
Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by social interaction that I literally want to crawl inside myself.
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suchsubversiveliterature:
It’s hard,
not being able to make friends as easily as everyone else.
its difficult not to thrive in social situations
like everyone else seems to.
but this is who i am, i guess,
and it’s not going to change.
I wish people would understand that i can’t help it,
even though i was born smarter and more creative than average,
this comes with a price.
The price...
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So I finally found one of my triggers. And now I...
trafalgarslaw:
So, when I was first told that I should probably figure out what my triggers are so that I can avoid them, I figured:
Oh, what? I don’t have triggers. This does not apply to me, I just experience overload, no triggering required.
Turns out, I’m wrong.
I’m currently shaking all over and so damn close to crying or screaming or just losing my mind.
And all because I cannot make...
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sometimes it can be helpful to just read through a list of asperger’s symptoms to remind myself that it’s okay to be, well, myself:
problems with casual social interactions, failure to engage in trivial small talk or respond to social cues that are not expressed explicitly.
failure to react instinctively to nonverbal signals such as subtle facial expressions, eye movements (e.g....
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things that have happened to be in the past 48 hours
new environment
had to meet and socialise briefly with somebody i don’t know and from what i’d heard, i didn’t like
but also
i like the city i’m in
they have food i prefer to eat
either way, i’ve had stomach pains from anxiety and trying to be normal, trying to pull it off without looking like a bitch, which i...
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Anonymous asked: How do you manage in the outdoors?
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i’m having a hard time accepting myself, and it’s ruining everything.
i just want to be someone else; someone extroverted who thrives in social situations, and has energy to do that. it’s very very fucking difficult to function in a society where pleasantries are expected, where you’re a bad person if you don’t want to hang out and party or talk.
i do think that i...
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January 2012
12 posts
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intheboulevardofbrokendreams asked: Excuse me while I'm somewhat surprised that we seem really similar... I even live in the UK too... This is sort of awesome... Uh. Yeah. Hi!
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i’ve been thinking about this for a while. i’m interested in aspies who self harm because it seems they often do it for different reasons to NTs. i’ve spent long spells in hospitals with patients suffering from depression/anxiety and i could never understand their reasons for cutting.
most likely triggering so i’ll do a read more :)
personally, i’ve always cut to...
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spoon theory →
my friend just told me about this. i thought it was interesting, and i wonder if other aspies relate to this idea, too?
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jackisdoctortom asked: Hi! I just wanted to say you're not the only one out there. Granted, I'm sure I'm several years older than you (but good old Aspie keeps me youthful lol) but I do understand everything you're saying about Asperger's and ED. I have two informal diagnoses from two Psychologists that I only received within the past few weeks so I'm new to seeing that Asperger's...
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sometimes i wish i knew more girls with asperger’s, especially girls who also have an eating disorder too.
i feel so alone often. my weight is okay now, and very few people know about my asperger’s, or ED relapse last year. the thing about asperger’s is that obviously i don’t socialise or talk a lot so having an eating disorder with that means you just don’t think to...
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aspergerspectrum:
Asperger’s Symptoms in Girls
Asperger’s syndrome is a disorder similar to, but considered milder than, autism. People with Asperger’s have obsessive interests or behaviors and difficulty with social communication. As a child, sufferers may reach motor skill milestones at a later age than peers while intelligence is normal or above average. The syndrome is...
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i feel so angry and frustrated when i realise how “aspie” i can be.
i can’t do anything for long without needing to be alone, or it just being one-on-one. and somewhere familiar. needing to have such a specific environment makes me feel like a brat.
i tend to over-estimate myself. if i’m socialising or something, i think, “i’ll stay out another 2 hours....
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goldenheartedrose:
abbeyroad-:
i find it hard to pick up on sarcasm/playful teasing and while i really appreciate people who don’t find how serious and literal i am irritating, i don’t always enjoy it when they wind me up for their own amusement because it’s cute/quirky/endearing/delete where appropriate.
sometimes it makes me want to cry because i feel so deficient and dumb.
I can...
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i find it hard to pick up on sarcasm/playful teasing and while i really appreciate people who don’t find how serious and literal i am irritating, i don’t always enjoy it when they wind me up for their own amusement because it’s cute/quirky/endearing/delete where appropriate.
sometimes it makes me want to cry because i feel so deficient and dumb.
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today just isn’t manageable.
i went into town to do some errand-type things and i couldn’t tell what way to walk around the crowds, and i didn’t know what cashiers were meaning. i could only handle it with my headphones in the entire time. being in your own world in public doesn’t work so well.
also, my best friend says he’ll most likely come over tonight. i...
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schnibbledibble asked: I have Asperger Syndrome too! I was diagnosed when I was 9 years old (6 years ago). I see that you said you like music. Do you like Classical music?
December 2011
20 posts
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Anonymous asked: You don't need to feel compelled to go out for NYE. That kind of scene is for specific types of people -- and if you would not enjoy it, if you would prefer to spend the night in bed with a good book or swimming in the Nile with sea turtles -- that is perfectly acceptable. NYE expectations are media produced gimmicks to give clubs more business, I think, anyway. If you want to spend the...
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my previous post leads nicely into my new year’s eve issue. i think it’s the only night of the year that i crave being “normal”. if i could go out and party without the usual hellish repercussions (or even a proper desire to), i would.
people who don’t know (most people) i have asperger’s say things like “if you wanted to, you could”. there’s...
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the way i ‘categorise’ people appears ‘black and white’ to most NTs- quite rigid and weird. it’s certainly not out of any stubborn quality, it’s just that people are as ritualised as anything else in my life.
i have a limited interest in making friends, and socialising. it’s boring, confusing and often makes me too anxious to be worth it.
regarding this...
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cultureofdestruction asked: Hey, I'm a f aspie from the UK too. Diagnosed when I had just turned 16, your blog is excellent. x
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i’ve always envied anybody who is a “people person”- if i was, i could have any job i wanted, the life i wanted, etc.
i’m having a hard time applying asperger’s as a positive. it was reassuring when my therapist was telling me about how she recognises that in today’s society it’s difficult for aspies to function successfully. she gave me some examples of...
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i have many common sensory issues- i can’t stand my hair in my face, i need to wear soft clothes, etc.
but i’ve not heard this one before: matte nail polish makes me feel sick. the look/feel of it is revolting to me.
i can’t stand not wearing nail polish, because dry nails feel horrible, and matte nail polish feels dry. i touch my nails a lot- one of my “stims” is...
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The categories of like
trafalgarslaw:
I have been made aware, by my brother of all people, that I sort people in very weird categories.
I’m not quite sure if it’s me or my autism or space aliens, but I kind of want to share it and hope people can at least tell me I’m not alone in this.
It seems to me, ‘normal’ people go about sorting people something like that:
There’s family, some of whom they are close to Family...
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Anonymous asked: What obsessions do you have?
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House Rules: Having Asperger's Is Like...
upulkuchen:
“Having Asperger’s is like having the volume of life at full blast all the time. It’s like a permanent hangover…. All those little autistic kids you see smacking their heads against walls? They’re not doing it because they’re mental. They’re doing it because the rest of the world is so loud it actually hurts, and they’re trying to make it all go away.” (pg 281, Jacob’s POV)
Again,...
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is it normal to feel this bothered by one night, one blip? since then (and my flatmates messing with my routine) i’ve been struggling.
struggling as in- anybody coming near me, or any extra noise, and i want to punch through some glass. glass is a very specific material given i have never punched anything before in my life.
i wish it was acceptable to say “i have asperger syndrome,...
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it’s the end of the day and i’m a mess.
there’s been too many little things happen over the past week. even someone saying “hi” to me in the stairwell throws me off- especially considering i had headphones in.
it’s something i’ll never get my head around. if you don’t know somebody, and you don’t need to talk to them, why would you...
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found these quotes from here: positive traits of asperger’s syndrome. they made me feel good. it was nice to read a list of positive traits in aspies, because i need to focus on those more.
…girls with Asperger’s syndrome are less inclined to be fickle or bitchy than their neurotypical counterparts. While some people with Asperger’s may lash out when provoked, they are unlikely...
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i had a good phonecall with my therapist. she reminded me that my “blip” the other night was just that- a blip. i don’t always need to resort to unhealthy things when i’m overwhelmed.
if i bleed my energy dry, there’s going to be a pay-off. she said i was at the beginning of my eating disorder recovery and that makes everything harder right now and eventually...
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i find myself panicking more and more about interacting with people. and even worse, finding that i don’t actually like most of my friends. i appear to be somewhere between neutral and apathetic. i see other people communicating like it’s the easiest thing in the world while i stand there hoping the next thing i do is okay. trapped best describes it.
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Anonymous asked: Thank you for sharing about your life. It helps me (and hopefully many other people) understand Autism more. I really appreciate that, because there is not much information on the condition.
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Anonymous asked: What does NT mean?
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about me
it’s been a long and confusing road to get to the point i am now.
looking back, there was so much obvious aspie behaviour. i’m frustrated that all the therapy and treatment i’ve had didn’t pick up on it until i was older. aspie girls become very good at masking their asperger’s. i’m a prime example of this- i was (am) quite ashamed of it being...
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sperg tip
gryphblogzone:
If at any point in time I have to tell you that I don’t want to talk about something, it’s not that I’m uncomfortable with the subject or anything, it’s mainly going to be because I’m trying to hold a certain mental structure in my head and the work that goes into translating it into words used in human speech will cause me to lose it. That’s just how my aspie brain works. Maybe...
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i wish it was a easier to say “sorry, i’m high functioning asperger’s, so this is hard for me.” people don’t believe it, and act shocked. it’s socially acceptable to be “depressed” or “anxious”. i suppose it’s just another way to feel brutally isolated.
expections of me are dictated by people who are (largely) NTs. my reactions and...